Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
