It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
one two three fourrrrnication!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
