I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
