my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
