but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Houston, we have a blender
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
