We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Nobody cheats on THIS.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
