ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
