I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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