Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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