When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
