that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
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you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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