ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
