About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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