That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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