you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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