worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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