Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
