i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
