If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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