Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
