I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
