It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
