My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
