Plan B is the new Plan A
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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