My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize