You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
