I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!