i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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