Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
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Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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