sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.