I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.