So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
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Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Someone signed my nipple.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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