Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he was CRYING into my vagina
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?