I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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