Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
