Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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