So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
