How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
