I would go down on you faster than GM stock
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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