I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
