I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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