oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
