I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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