Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
