I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
