Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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