Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
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Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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