I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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