Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
