I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
