I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
