it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
