Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
