It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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