Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
