i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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