So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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