I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
