She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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