Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Randomize
