i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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