i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
my liver is dry heaving
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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