It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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