Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
