All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
