butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
