listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
