Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
