I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
