"it" just moved
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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