tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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