Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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