yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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