I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We are two peas in an std pod
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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