It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
